I'll Buy That For a Dollar: I Wonder If They're Actually Round Steak

Being a vegetarian, I don't normally pay attention to Ponderosa ads. Ben showed me this, though, when it came in his mail, a rictus crossing his face that he only has when he sees something unintentionally hilarious. I looked, and I knew right off what he was grinning at.

This is a big typography failure. Notice that the first three letters you notice are "ASS." The "A" is slightly smaller than the two "S's," but they're the same font, meaning that they're going to be associated into the viewers minds together. The rest of the phrase is a san serif font, with the kerning cut to push the letters closer together. The kerning is also cut back to the two "S's." Unfortunately, the difference in font sets the the curvy letter from the rest of the word, and reenforces it's association with the "A." So, the ad pretty much reads "ASS tampede teaks" with "Of New" tucked under the "A," in white, and a third san serif font. More than two fonts in the logo, too? For shame.

Amusingly enough, on the back, a similar flaw is found. "Price Rollback" is done in such a way that "PR" looks highlighted. Maybe the designer knew what he did, and figured he'd let us know who we should call.

- Alexis

"Muzzle" minor characters, and changes for it.

Here's some of the minor characters coming up in "Muzzle." Obviously, some names have been changed (i.e. "Binkie").

Vanessa: Patty's girlfriend, and an old friend of Ben's. Wear's two different glasses frames welded together.

Reggi: A friend of Jenna's that met Ben while on vacation from California. Since, she's been the model for one of Ben's comic characters (not this one), and attempts to start an actual band with Ben.

Cameron: Reggi's travel companion, and "bass player."

Jess: Jenna's sister who works at a bank.

Mina: Ben's lawyer and occasional model for some of his art. She also helps him find other models.

Dalaja: Binkie's old college dorm room mate. Unwittingly gets along with Ben and Jenna as if they've been friends since they were kids. Known for her sweet demeanor.

Mike: A blue haired mechanic that has known Ben for a while and manages to put up with Patty's insanity.

* * *

Now, for some changes. When I started "Muzzle," it was going to be mostly gaming, music, movies, and random humor that may or may not have expletives involved. It had no nudity, and no violence. If I'm going to tell a story like this, I can't do that. I'm an adult, and my life is one of an adult. My humor is more adult. And the things that have happened, both good and bad, are adult. I draw people, both clothed and nude, as does Alexis. My friends are mostly okay with this (not sure of my family), but even if they weren't, I can make my own decisions. Aside from the fictional stories and Patty's bizarre lack of reality, I'm making this a more adult comic (read "mature" not "porn") to fit what my style as of late is.

It is also important to note that, while the characters are based on real people, the way they are written in the strip does not necessarily reflect on how they would behave in real life. This is first, and foremost, a fictional comic making fun of reality by not being real. If you're confused, I refer you to Pictures of You, How Loathsome, and other comics that are both drama and comedy combined.

Finally, again, the humor won't be as often, but it'll be there. Expect a lot of ranting and discussion about bad drivers and horrible video games and movies, but also expect something more grounded and not in your face hilarious. I'm going for a more dramatic approach on purpose.

Other than that, when it starts, enjoy!

Ben

Started Working On An Old Project Again

I owe another web comic some credit for this one. If any of my readers like web comics, check out this one, "Pictures of You." I promise, you won't regret it, even if it isn't always funny (or work safe). One story line in it has left me in complete awe of the main character's actions in a bad way, but in one of the most recent chapters, he makes up up for it in a big (albeit violent) way that if the same situation struck one of my friends, I'd probably attempt the same thing. It sounds awful to say on paper, but what happened was inevitable.

Needless to say, inspiration struck me, partly due to that comic, partly due to a few things that have been happening in my life lately, and part of wanting to tell a story that funny, emotional, and a satire at the same time. One that may not always be true (especially talking about a certain pink haired psychotic, or a fictional Rock Band camping trip), but something I hold true to my heart. Something true to life, that its funny, but not always. Maybe things work out in the end, but not always. Those who know me know what's going on by now. For those who don't, I'm starting my old web comic (that was on Deviant Art), "Muzzle" again.

Especially for those who don't know what I'm talking about, "Muzzle" was a web comic project that I was working on that was a web comic that I was working on back when Deviant Art wasn't a glorified porn site (remember those days?). It was my original way of reviewing movies. It was a way of making jokes that were ridiculous to anyone outside my circles of friends, but in a good way. It was a good way of telling a personal story, and giving a little background about me in a humorous way. Also, I could make fun of Jenna being a secretary for a psychologist, and why Patty got into photography. Really, it was my way of telling people about my life, in a weird, funny, and dramatic way, although I threw some fake stuff in as well, just for fun.

"Muzzle" will be getting a little bit of a reboot, though. Granted, not everything will be wiped clean off of the slate, but the story will pick up way after where I left off, to what has been going on lately, with, some spicy fiction involved. No, people, not hentai. I mean story lines like "The Rock Show" where I start a band with my male friends. Also, to note, it's not going to be as slap stick, or as funny. Humor will be involved, but not nearly as constant as it was. I kind of want this to be a bit deeper and personal to me. Especially in light of what I've been going through, what a close friend of mine has been going through, and, well, I'm good at telling a dramatic story with some humor, but not constant humor.

Also, I'm expanding the cast list. It'll be as follows:

Main cast:

Ben (yes, me, what did you expect? :-P): Age: 26. An Army Reservist, Graphic Designer, Artist, and soon to be college student... again. I know, but figuring his old school went the way of Annondale, after graduating, or getting his degree in the mail, which will take about the same as it took the money the school owed him to actually be refunded (almost three months), he felt it was time to go for broke and get a somewhat meaningful degree than an Associate's in Graphic Design. That is, when he isn't lambasting bad horror movies, selling games he never plays, playing video games, listening to Indie rock, and trying to convince his girlfriend to look at his amazing horse...

Alexis: Age: 26. Ben's girlfriend, though you wouldn't put the two together at first glance. Alexis is 5' even, weighs maybe 100 pounds, has several ear piercings and tattoos, but a smile that would make the sun jealous. Despite her bright persona, she does fear a few things: her devoutly spiritual, 4'8" Japanese mother, and monsters in the closet. Like Ben, she's a Graphic Designer, but unlike Ben, she uses her Bachelor's Degree. She is, though, stunned at Ben's designs to the point of near excitement. With design, and life, she's a kid in a candy store, and no one would have it any other way.

The Girls:

Binkie: Age: 25. If Ben had a best friend, Binkie would be it. They've known each other for over 20 years, and better of worse, they've been their for each other. After losing contact with her twice, Ben has vowed not to lose her as a friend again. It would seem that she had done the same, as well. Despite their "hard friendship," mainly due to Ben's lack of knowledge of other races at the time, if one has a problem, the other is there to help. Usually, as of late, its been her helping him, but a few times, Ben has to defend her, as brutal as it may be at times.

Jenna: Age: 27. Those who recognize Jenna have one of three reactions: 1: A quick look away. 2: A tongue hanging out of their mouth. 3: Asking her for an autograph. While she doesn't broadcast why, Ben knows, and he isn't talking. She's Binkie's housemate (with Hiroku), and was Ben's stabilizing factor in a particularly hard time. When people see her talking to Ben, it makes them wonder what their friendship is actually based on, due to him constantly teasing her. Oddly enough, it's her that gets the last laugh.

Patty: Age: 21. The brat of the group, for more than just her age. Patty is the pink-haired, nose and lip pierced psychotic that keeps Ben on his toes, and the girls wondering what she's going to do next. Nothing is out of range for her, from sitting in a video store watching Clash of the Titans because her hamster is named Harry Hamlin, to talking to Lego displays.

The Guys (and one nonguy):

Jim: Age: 25. If Ben had another best friend, Jim would be it. Like Binkie, Jim is an intellectual in the logical sense (much like Ben is the abstract intellectual), but unlike her, he's more honed to his emotions. When Ben is in a dark area, Jim is usually the first person he talks to, if available. He's seen Ben at his worse (which makes Ben afraid that he's pushing things too far to the negative at times), but he's always been a willing listening ear to him, and the other guys. Jim is, at his heart, the best friends a nerd like Ben and the guys could ever want.

Joe: Age: 25. Jim's longest known friend, and former co-worker of Ben's. Joe is usually quiet to people he's never met, but the life of the party when he warms up to them. When Ben does helps Joe out, as well as when the rest of the guys do, they enjoys the company and the "adventure." He also serves as the logic to Ben, and the illogic to Jim, evening both of them out.

Tim: Age: 25. Tim is the outdoors man and mechanic of the guys. He owns his own house, has a good job, and spends his weekends watching "The Deadliest Catch" or "Dirty Jobs." That is, when he isn't telling Kevin to shave his fro. Or shooting Kevin with an invisible gun. Or just making fun of Kevin in general. Needless to say, he seems to feel a deep kinship with Kevin... despite the outside looks of things.

Kevin: Age: 26. Kevin has more nicknames than anyone on earth, and most of them are vulgar. Foul-ball, gutter-ball, wang-smaggler, disco, fro-boy, MJ, Captain Slow, James May, nothing can describe Kevin more than the series of nicknames. Despite the ribbing, Kevin is often the voice of reason among the guys, and is the first one of the guys Ben has met. If any of the guys has an issue they need to talk about, Kevin is the listening ear. And he may not know how much they all appreciate that.

Heather: Age: 23. Jim's significant other, and the needed estrogen of the group. She comes off headstrong at first, but rightfully so. It isn't that she's stubborn, but more goal oriented than people give her credit for. Upon first meeting her, Ben was weary (for reasons the guys know), but she grew on him, as well as the rest of the guys. They may butt heads occasionally (mainly when Ben says something that can easily be taken a completely different way), but there is no denying that he sees her as a good person and a friend.

I'll have some more, minor cast up later. Right now, sleep beckons.

Ben

Born From Interpretation: Spawn #166, Last Page

I mentioned on this blog before that I have lost all respect for Todd McFarland. While this is still true, years ago, I had gotten my hopes up for the series when I heard that it was being taken to its original, dark roots (where it was supposed to be if it hadn't been for marketing). After the Armageddon Saga had been used as nothing but a McGuffin to reboot the series, and a cheap one, at that, the series needed a complete overhaul.

Enter writer David Hine, writer of the recent Daredevil comics as well as District X, and Brian Haberlin, co-creator of Witchblade. After seeing samples of Haberlin's art, I was still suspicious that the stories would be trash, but I was impressed with the art style. It was more realistic, grittier, and his monsters where disturbing (save for his fairly infant-looking Violator, but that's a topic for later). One day, out of curiosity, I opened up Spawn #166 on to the last page. This was the image that made me get into the Spawn series again, until Haberlin left (due to his wife giving birth), and McFarland screwed the character over.

Illustration is not as easy as people seem to think. Where in art, you're taking what you feel and putting it on paper, in clay, or whatever medium you're using, Illustration requires you to translate someone else's thoughts and ideas onto paper. With comics, these ideas can be written pretty specifically, or very loosely depending on how well the creative team is working together. With this image, Haberlin and Hine created a haunting visage of what the series could become: a grotesque, horrifying portrayal of life after the Apocalypse, that is, if the Apocalypse banished the existence of God and Lucifer to another realm.

Some background on the context: Throughout the issue, this woman had been biting her cuticles, tearing the skin back. A voice goads her on to keep tearing at her skin, until her boyfriend comes to pick her up. When she answers the door, she's wearing opera gloves to cover the fact that her hands are bloody. Later, her boyfriend comes back to see her, and she tells him that he won't love her anymore. Cue this page.

The next issue shows a behind the scenes look at the creative team's process of making a splash page like this. Hine's notes are extremely specific, and thumbnails are included as well. I would've loved to see this page done behind the scenes, mainly because it imbeds into your mind. She peeled so much of her skin off, that her fingers weren't strong enough to see how far she could go, so she pulled out a knife. Only her forehead and left shoulder have skin left. While she most likely shouldn't be alive, she should be, at least, in immense pain, but she doesn't seem to be.

Double that with the text: "I just had to see what was underneath." If this is the first image you saw of this particular issue, the combination of the image and her quote would most likely create some sort of indelible mark on your imagination. Moreover, Haberlin, who knew a lot about the human anatomy as an artist before, likely had to due extensive research on the muscular system. Speaking from experience as both an artist and someone who took anatomy classes in school, memorizing how the texture of each muscle looks (and how to separate the groups) is no easy task. Yet, Haberlin pulled it off like a true professional. His art work throughout the run continued to impress not only audiences, but the rest of the series' staff as well.

Next time (which should be next week or the week after), I'm going to take time to talk about an unfinished miniseries that was one of the most underrated comics in recent history. I'm only going to show two or three pages, but trust me, it'll be worth it. Besides, the fate of Earth depends on it. Well, not really, but it'd be cool if it did. Then, the series may actually be finished!

- Ben

Functional Vs Impractical: Crackdown 2's Impossible Mission, Game Breaking Flaws, and Special Guest Star

Here's a trick for game designers: Solve this puzzle. See that red "C" with the white around it? I can't go five steps out of that without being yelled at. See those triangles? Those are all on a roof of a building. The building below, in fact. The very same building that I can't climb without automatically failing the mission because I don't want to pay upwards of $10 a month to play with an uppity twelve-year old with a mouth foul enough to make Quentin Tarantino blush. And yet, Ruffian Games expects people to know how to pass this part in single player. Stunning, figuring the only thing they did was reskin the original game.

So, here's the puzzle: If Ruffian Games are professionals (from teams that made the original Crackdown as well as Project Gotham Racing, the only car racing game I can control), how did they screw up on this massive of a level? See, Crackdown is a game where you should be able to climb buildings easily. Yet, in this one, you can't because a protrusion juts out to keep you from the ceiling. Oh, and this one? The ledges are too high for you to reach at maximum agility level, so you have to go over four buildings and climb them to even get to the roof of this one. When you do that, you fail the mission. I'm not the only one who caught this, as Jim Sterling of Destructoid has too: "Some of the missions are broken, too. One tactical location is actually impossible to complete in single-player, because leaving the location's radius causes the mission to be lost. Unfortunately, all the Cell soldiers that need killing at at the top of a building that requires players to leave the radius in order to climb. Without a second player, this mission simply cannot be completed. It's oversights like that are simply inexcusable in a game where the developer did very little of their own original work."

What else is broken? Targeting. Imagine that you have a guy blasting at you from five feet away, a cop minding his own business, and a cow. You'll aim at the guy trying to kill you, right? The agent will opt for the cow about 80% of the time, and the cop roughly 18% of the time. By the time you actually aim for the guy who is killing you, you're either dead or need to retreat. Or, you'll have to buy a grill for some hamburgers.

Finally, though, something that isn't broken in the game, but is purely unusual. Instead of the old agent, you play as a new one. One of the agent skins in this one, I kid you not, looks like Dr. Gregory House on steroids. If I'm looking to play as someone intimidating, I can think of better designs than a misanthropic doctor. But, admittedly, it is kind of awesome. It'd be more awesome if the show wasn't a complete waste of time anymore, though.

So, back on track. Crackdown 2 is not worthy of being called an original title. It's also not worthy of being called a single player game. If designers want to make a multiplayer game, don't put single player campaigns in it. Its just that simple. Next time, I'm going to try to find a good design to talk about. It might be a game, it might not. But, I need to stop the negative speak while I can.

- Ben

A Further Note About "Painted."

Some of you may have all ready read Alexis's take on the Evans Blue song, "Painted." Well, being as it's one of my favorite songs that they've done (seriously, music is supposed to evoke emotions), I listened to it again. This time, purely unintentionally, I figured out what the voices are saying in the background during the last two minutes of the song. People, if you thought it was creepy before, get a load of this.

1: "I can see you and you can't see me. I am right here and I'm waiting" is echoed in a woman's voice as well as Kevin Matisyn's.

2: "Be a nice puta" is uttered right after this. Puta translates from Spanish as "bitch" or "whore." This voice goes on but is drowned out by the guitar.

3: Another voice gets progressively louder, as if yelling angrily at someone. This will change eventually as the song gets closer to the end.

4: As it does, you can hear him say something along the lines of "I can see you and you can see me. You will die while your waiting." I'm not exactly sure if that's what's said, but I can make out "You will die" pretty clearly.

5: He then yells: "I can't believe this is coming! Oh my God... don't!"

6: While Matisyn goes on like a circus barker, you can her the guy who was screaming seemingly plead and beg for his life. Occasionally, he'll scream "Put it down," "No body does this to me," and finally "Put down the knife." (I'm iffy on that last one, but most of it becomes pretty clear when you really listen.

7: Finally, as the "waiting' part drones on, "Oh my God, the place (sic) is sick" is uttered.

8: Towards the middle of the second droning, "I'm so sorry" is whispered from the man who was screaming. Then, "I'm dying..."

9: This is followed by someone whispering "Good night."

Considering that Evans Blue has done songs about heroin addicts, relating a woman to a dragon (and saying that its a confession to an adversary), and one that I'm pretty sure is about a man in love with a prostitute, this one really shouldn't surprise me as much as it does. The writing is pretty well done, but the execution goes from sympathetic to frantic to down right frightening, only accentuated by the little details that are drowned out by the music. This is rather impressive.

- Ben

EDIT: I caught this one tonight, and it changes the initial interpretation of the song.

After the frantic part fades out, and the droning starts, a female voice can be heard. Think back to Alexis's analysis, when the part "She whispered in his ear, 'don't hurt me, don't forget me, I'm not completely together.'" The female voice says, rather weakly, "Don't hurt me." Right after this, another voice says, "Goodnight," before the initial ending.

Why does this change what we had thought before? Because, this means she didn't kill him. It means he killed her. Whether he had killed her before the song and he's cleaning up the scene while he's talking/remembering, or whether he killed her just then seems to be left ambiguous. Funny how the song only gets scarier.

Fallen Idols

Those who have known me for a long time know that I've always enjoyed a good comic book. From reading Spider-Man comics when I was a kid to re-reading Batman: Arkham Asylum for the tenth time (at least) last year (and Watcmen), you can't keep me away from the way it made me feel when things were simpler and when I thought I could just draw for a living. Huh... Well, I am a graphic designer... but anyway...

Back in the days of the mid '90's, a "controversial" comic came out: Spawn. Spawn was one of the first independent comics that outsold Marvel and DC in a first run, and one of the most prolific adult comics out there. The comic was about an anti-hero named Spawn who made a deal with a demon to come back to Earth to reclaim his wife. Only, he's sent back five years later, his best friend is now married to his wife with a kid, and he's more cooked than a hamburger on the 4th of July. People raved how this was original, and a great adult concept, but we're appalled that this was in a "child's medium." Don't you love how often people forget the more adult comics they've read, i.e. Alan Moore's run of Miracleman, where Kid Miracleman's human form is sodomized, unleashing Kid Miracleman who destroys London in one of the most unsettling ways depicted in comics. Or Legends of the Dark Knight which deals with drugs, murder, serial killings, and, in the storyline "Flyer," an Aryan obsessed woman who wants to bear Batman's child. Or even the Watchmen, the comic that has a naked blue man walking around because he can, and even tries to have a threesome with his girlfriend. Oh, yeah, sure... kids medium. Right.

Well, anyway, the creator of this comic is Todd McFarland, and at the time, the man was my hero. This is when I was a naive child, and wanted to create a comic that I, at the time, refused to make scary despite the fact that it is. Now, I look at his works, and despair... just not in the King Ozymandias sort of way.

Anyone who has read the most recent issues of Spawn now realizes that Spawn's K7 Leetha suit is pretty much nothing but the symbiote suit that Venom wears in Spider-Man. Let's face it, it's possessed Al Simmons, Nyx (twice), Morana, Al Simmons' aborted daughter who is now a vrykolakas, and and now a guy that was introduced in the second storyline of the comic's run. A magical symbiote suit, how original. Then, we get Haunt, a character who is possessed by his dead brother's ghost, and can spin webs. Singlehandedly, McFarland ripped-off The Darkness and Spider-Man. Among comic fans I've talked to about this, I found that I am not the only one who thinks this, as several forums have been using this comic as a laughing stock.

Admittedly, despite this, I was a little hurt that an artist I looked up to could sink this low. I was told time and again that he created Venom, and even if Spawn was essentially the same character, that isn't too bad. Well, then I find this out: McFarland didn't create Venom. He only derived a version of the costume from a preset. David Michelinie created the concept of making a different character to wear the symbiote costume, and McFarland drew someone else's design, and character, and took credit for it. Not completely, mind you, but he is usually credited as co-creator along with Michelinie. Controversy has also been thrown over Michelinie's contribution as well, due to it just being an evil Spidey, but consider this: Venom is a different character completely.

We can say that McFarland drawing Venom put the character as a popular figure, but he didn't design Venom. He used someone else's design. That isn't a ripoff, due to him being hired to draw the comics, but why is he given credit for drawing a pre-existing design? Should I get credit for designing a menu for a restaurant that changes nothing but switching the drinks and entres? No, because I didn't design the template, I changed the arrangements. If I made a new template, then I should take credit.

I can say one good thing has happened from learning this: I'm more secure in myself that I have more original ideas than using the same few over and over. Yes, many characters in Goria are "Infected," but consider how vastly different they all are. It'd be boring if all of them made tendrils to swing from using their skin or muscle. People may not like it, but you can't deny this, I'm not a one trick pony based on this. Or else I'll have to change my name to Todd.

- Ben

Too Many Notes: "Painted" by Evans Blue, and a Connection to "Dread."

As much as I like music, I usually stray away from long, seemingly "show-off" songs that come off as pretentious. Ben's going to kill me, but I can name one band in particular that is bad about that (seriously... 17 minutes for a song? Corgan's out of his mind.)I do grant the exceptions that most people would expect a music fanatic normally would.

Along with that, its extremely hard to introduce a new band to band, unless they're an Indie band ("Lazy Eye" was all it took for me to like Silversun Pickups, though "Panic Switch" remains my favorite). So, imagine my shock when I hear Ben listening to, not only a band that I never even heard of, but a eerily beautiful sounding hard rock band. Of course, its bizarre that I'm saying all of this, because the song I picked to "study" is one of the most disturbing songs that I've ever heard. Yes, its far creepier than anything Marilyn Manson or Tool or even Nine Inch Nails (in speaking of pretentious, overdrawn out songs...)has done. If you're familiar with them, that's hard to imagine, but a nearly ten minute Evans Blue song named "Painted" evokes a feeling that a horror writer from England would use if he chose to use any brain he had left and remake one of the worst movie adaptations he has ever produced.

Before I go any further, I saw the movie Dread before Ben and I met (I saw it at a film festival in Philly), and I hated it for a few reasons. 1: It's not scary, it's sick. It makes Saw look like Bambi. Seriously. If I'm a vegetarian from working with meat, this movie only serves to reenforce that choice. 2: After reading the story, I realized a glaring flaw: Abby was only there for nudity, and to justify torturing a woman. Let me explain: Eli Roth made all of the main characters of Hostel: Part II female because women are never seen as victims in horror movies. You know, except for all of them. Anyway, ever since, horror movies need a "weak female" to torment to be "edgy." Enter: Cute Abby with her birthmark. There to show off that makeup effects team can make a birthmark cover nipple, and there for the writers to torture. Funny, considering that its one of the few Barker stories without sex, and Abby wasn't in the story. As far as I know, the story only took place with three characters, and had nothing to do with a sadistic college, but a science minded one (albeit twisted as all hell).

But the big reason I hated it: it missed that "precious" feeling of dread it was going for. Watching a girl skin herself, is sick, not causing dread. Causing nausea maybe, but not dread. Watching a woman eat rotted meat? Same thing. Watching our bad guy being chased by an axe murderer... well, in this movie, hilarious.

Which brings to our song, "Painted." The first time I heard the ending of it, it sent chills down my spine. I felt like something was right behind me, waiting... watching... getting ready to strike. Doesn't help me that I'm still afraid of certain people... but what could make something that scary? Well, let's start at the beginning of the song. Here's a video. It's here to help you understand what I'm talking about.

As far as I can tell (Evan's Blue songs are vague, generally, so much so that I didn't know "Pin-Up" was about a heroin addict until Ben's friend told me), the song is about a woman at the verge of committing suicide, while her significant other is trying to find a way to tell her not to because he cares about her, despite her mistakes. But, she counters that his argument is stale, and she wants to show him what "its" like. What what's like, exactly?

Next verse, her other says to not worry what everyone else thinks, because he'll clean her "painted wings" until her heroes arrive. This is where the song takes an even darker turn. Painted wings from what? What heroes? Well, remember when I mentioned she wants to commit suicide? Well... she kind of did... sort of. We'll get back to that by the end. Her other mentions that he doesn't want the "venom" and doubt to control her in her final moments. We then get a disturbing visual: he mentions that he hates pouring his heart out, especially when it's "pouring down her leg." Yes, she's "pissing on his emotions" by her suicide.

Let's dissect the chorus real quick.

"Look before you end it all

Look before you shut your eyes
For the last time
There's no more room to go back down
Your picture trends in black and white
(I will show you)
I will show you what it's like "

We've got that the first part is him saying "don't jump," then "don't die on me." That's when she says to him, "your memory doesn't mean anything to me. I'll show you what pain feels like." Again, why is she so tortured? Well, the bridge answers that: "She whispers in his ear, "Don't hurt me, don't forget me, don't hurt me, I'm still not properly together."

She jumped to get away from his abuse. And she survived, and is still afraid for her life. After this though, we get the chorus, but two things change: 1: After "There's no room to go back down," another line is added "Will you fight for me and not back down." 2: Also, a coda: "(If you let me) Your picture trends in black and white (I will show you) I will show you what its like." We now have a third party in our song. Just in time for the instrumental break. Cue awesome guitar solo!

This is one of those "symbolic" instrumentals that bands do in songs like this. The solo is there because the characters are doing something, and the music is illustrating it. What are our characters doing? Well, what ever it is, it can't be good. The music gets extremely dissonant, and, dare I say, off tune?

It is. It's a psychology thing, actually. Watch the end of this trailer, and tell me, why do you feel like something is off? It's not the bad special effect, it's the off tune piano pinging away. When people hear off key notes that are horribly off, the brain tries to translate it as actual music. The auditory section of the brain knows other wise, and a fight ensues. Instead of it being a war, its more or less your emotions are shifted to nervousness. Your brain knows its not right, but wants to translate it to make it right, but your auditory functions won't allow it. Hence, you get nervous.

Musicians use this technique when they want to make something seem scary. They'll also usually put even more dissonance over it. In this case, a man progressively screaming at someone, the drums, the grinding guitar, and several voices, inharmoniously saying "I can see you and you can't see me. I am right here and I'm waiting." This picks up until we get Kevin Matisyn barking the line out like a circus ringleader (which is still pretty frightening), until it dulls down to the piano, the synth, and a man droning "I am right here and I'm waiting" twice before quietly snickering and whispering "Good night." Take a second, especially if you listened to that part, to think about what just happened.

Did her other die, or did they just put the fear of God into him? Either way, do you really want to know? That feeling in the pit of your stomach, that morbid sensation of "Oh my God, what did I just hear" entangled with regret? That, folks and folkettes, is dread, what the movie Dread was missing. Actually, it's what most modern horror movies are missing. That, and William Shatner masks.

With that song done, I need to relax. You know, mellow out. Next edition, I'm going to take the Wolverine back to something a little Old School.

- Alexis

Functional Vs Impractical: Kirby Is A Pink Outline?

Let me be perfectly frank here: I don't hate new ideas for graphical concepts. As an artist and a designer, I am, at first, suspicious of how it will work properly. For example, when I saw Katamari Damacy for the first time, not only did I not like the simple gameplay mechanics (which I now love in the game), but I was weary of the graphics being too cartoony. Upon trying it, I found that, while part of the game's charm, the lack of texture keeps the from over processing, and that keeps the frame rate up. In short, no slow down makes us gamers happy, and charming and stylized art keeps the art crowd happy. Everybody wins... except maybe Roger Ebert.

I also don't personally have anything against Kirby. Or yarn, for that matter.

So, with all that said... Nintendo, what the hell are you doing? When I saw Kirby's Epic Yarn, I was thinking, "Okay, its a WiiWare Downloadable game." My next reaction was, "This isn't a downloadable game?!" Seriously, this, from a design standpoint, is a horrible idea. Look at the screenshot above. Do you see why?

If you said "I can see the background through the characters," you're absolutely right. I'd also give credit for the background is just as bright as the foreground, but at least Nintendo placed a drop shadow. See, outlines, no matter how thick, if there's nothing in them to distinguish it from the foreground (i.e. just an empty hole), it's incredibly hard to keep track off. While they did use the character's main color as the outline, notice that the rocket is the same shade of pink as Kirby and his robot. Also notice that it is a similar shape that Kirby would be in movement. If that isn't enough, notice the flying enemy that is the same shape as Kirby, but is only distinguishable by its wings that shows up on the trees, but probably wouldn't show up on the sky (much like the blue dome above Kirby that I didn't even see until now).

In short, your bound to lose track of the characters when they're just out lines. This is made worse when you realize that some of the colors are used for more than one object on screen that are both similar in shape. Even worse, the outlines blend into the background, making it hard to see the outlines of a character in the first place. How to fix this?

Well, let me put it this way: I know that Nintendo is trying to do something new with the graphics. I can respect that. But, I think we can agree that there is one element that needs to go: color. Not all the color, mind you, but the background color. If you kept your foreground as bright colored outlines, and made the background black and white, that would make the characters immensely easier to see. The eye is drawn to bright objects, and having that many bright colors, as well as a lot of them looking very close to each other if not the same, will make it hard to track for the average person. Making the background black and white gives the players a way to identify the foreground, and play the game without losing track of where he or she is.

I'm not trying to say that Nintendo can't come up with a good idea, or that this game is going to suck. I'm old enough to know that I can't make bold decisions like that. But, I do know this: if I handed that image in as an illustration for a book or for a graphic design assignment, I would be fired. Quickly.

Functional Vs Impractical: Why "Singularity" Falls On Its Face

For the past two days, I've been watching Ben beat himself up emotionally over something simple. Almost every five minutes, I'd hear him say, "You don't DO that!" as loud as he can without waking up any of the apartments around him as he dies on screen, and, from the sound of it, a little inside. Today, it came to a point that I swear I was going to see him, a short but fairly lean (maybe a bit of a gut, but who cares?) Army man, cry. Sure, we bot may have had some teary eyes during Toy Story 3, but this... this is different.

I'm fairly laid back, so when I get angry watching someone die from bad programming in a game, you know the guys behind to game really dropped the ball. What's more is that Ben and I agreed on this before it came out: Singularity may be the sleeper hit of the summer. Now, we both agree that it needs to get off the shelves, be fixed, then released.

The first problem is that on normal difficulty, enemies shouldn't be doing a third health damage. Three hits, you're dead in an FPS? On level two?! Gimme a break! Watching this game reminded me of watching a child try to play Demons' Souls, screaming "It's not fair! I know I killed that guy!" Let alone what a five year old was doing playing that game (then again, it could be worse), I can say this about Demons' Souls: It was hard as hell, but it was still fair. Enemies did realistic damage, and it didn't lead you on. The game was known for its difficulty. With Singularity, the game starts off extremely easy, and goes into "fight a room full of guys that take a whole magazine (thanks to Ben for letting me know the real term) to kill" territory in the second level. Without giving you enough ammo to kill all of them.

It gets worse. After 30 assault rifle shots, maybe (if you're really lucky) the guy's dead. Two stabs with a knife, he is dead. Your knife if more powerful than a gun? By the time you realize this, they take your knife away and give you a weaker melee attack. Oh! But this one can shift the time traveling enemies back to your time, and slow them down to keep the swarms at bey! Too bad the only tell this after you manage to defeat a swarm.

Let's talk character design for a second. These annoying blue guys, "Zeks," look like blue midget wrestlers. Some of them have a head growing out of their heads. The picture of the Boglin above is a vast improvement over the "Zeks" designs. Do you want to know why? Because, at least if I was fighting that I wouldn't be so busy laughing my butt off at the fact that I seem to been shooting a blue midget version of Sloth. Though this game does make me afraid of "Smurfs" again. ...never again.

As small as the enemies are, you can jump over them at times. Unless you're right above them, then an invisible wall keeps you from moving. But, lets talk about the even smaller guys: Ticks. I hated ticks before, but these little bugs have nothing on the diseased bloodsuckers. These explode and kill you in two hits at most. Even at full health. Keep in mind that you have to reload the device you have to change time more often than you do your gun. Also keep in mind that the developers decided to make most of the guns inaccurate (good luck getting a headshot while zoomed in with the sniper rifle), underpowered (read above about the assault rifle) or way too powerful (shotgun... need I say more?). The weapons that are supposed to be super powered and accurate rarely work properly, or the enemies seem to shrug off the damage like Marvin the Paranoid Android would a compliment.

Where Ben stopped last night was pretty much the breaking point for the game. A blurb popped up saying to slow the creature down to shoot it. Ben does. It slows him down, and the creature stays at the same speed. From an outsider's view, it seems like the programmer forgot to put that part of the programming code in. That, or the strategy is pure rubbish. Or, the more likely scenario, the game is pure rubbish.

I may end up seeing more of this crapfest, but I'm not getting my hopes up for it anymore. If you want a good example of how not to create a game, look this up. But, if you're a programmer, and you have a cool concept for a game, make sure to do it right. Seriously, we're all aloud to make mistakes (Mass Effect was fantastic, but it had some serious flaws), but when the game itself is a mistake, that is unacceptable.

- Alexis